So, here I sit watching over 13 of my students who would be better off in front of me teaching something instead of watching them suffer through a system of questions that mean absolutely nothing to them. If you haven’t figured out what I am doing from the title of this essay I will attempt to help. I am in the process of making sure the 13 students in front of me concentrate on the English portion of their NCLB mandated state test.
I know all of these students. Most are enrolled in my chemistry courses. I have one in my AP chemistry class. She seems to be doing well on this portion of the test even though she has spent the last hour playing with her right ear lobe. One of my accelerated chemistry students just came up to me to ask if he could listen to his i-pod. I have absolutely no problem with this. But, the teacher who is helping me proctor the test is a stickler for rules and since the school does not allow them I had to say no. Without a doubt if I was here by myself that particular student would be enjoying what he believes is music.
Looking around my room I see a student I do not have in class look up at the ceiling with his mouth wide open. Some might think he is hoping to catch a fly that would satisfy his hunger. I know he has run out of ideas and words to answer this part of the English test. I have been told I am no longer supposed to call this curriculum English. I have been advised to call it literary arts of writing skills. These are the same people that no longer accept shop to represent industrial arts and home economics to represent domestic engineering. As a dinosaur of education I call the subjects what they are.
The one student that asked if he could use his i-pod is now playing with his calculator. I am now doing something I swore I would never do when I started teaching almost three decades ago. I am in the process of boring the hell out of my students who simply want to learn. A basic adage of teaching is one can’t teach unless there is someone in front of them who want to learn. The NCLB’s demand for testing simply overwhelms this basic law.
I see another student stretching as she is looking at the time left I just drew on the board. Being a chemistry student of mine I am used to her enthusiasm toward what I teach. There is no enthusiasm in her eyes today.
More of my students have now finished this part of the test. One student I do not have in class asked if he could go to the bathroom. Since I am not in tune with all the rules and regulations of the school I looked up at my helper-proctor to see if it is OK. She does not look up so I have to make a decision. I let him go.
Looking around the room I see one of my chemistry students look up at the wall even though there is nothing there. They would not dare to do this during my class but then again I have been instructed not to teach. The student that earlier asked to go to the bathroom is now playing with his pencil and acting very nervous. I want to give him something to do but alas, I am not able to do so. One of the students who is not taking my course now has her head on the desk. There is still 30 minutes left and I am not able to intellectually stimulate these students. I am now acting like the student who seems nervous. I think I have him beat.
There are now three students who are still working on their tests. I notice two of my chemistry students working on something together. Normally I would ignore this but the teacher who is proficient at every rule known to mankind is sitting directly behind them. I walk up to the student and observe they are playing a game of hangman. If they were in my class I know they would not do this but they are not. In, fact they are not in any class. There are now two students still working on their test. One of my advanced placement students has his arms crossed and is staring into nothing. I assume he is contemplating nothing more important than his life but he seems angry. I assume he is angry because of what he is asked to do. I hope he is angry because of a loss of time in my class. In this respect I think I am right.
The girl in the corner of my room is still staring at nothing on the wall and two students seem to have fallen asleep. The nervous student now has his hands over his head seemingly attempting to stop himself from exploding. The hangman game is getting more intense with one student chomping at her nails and another leaning back hoping that this time he is forced to do nothing will soon go away. My God, there are fifteen minutes left.
Looking around the room I see everyone has completed this part of their test. I now observe five heads on the desk, six students; sorry make that seven. The hangman game is now boring the heck out of two of my more talented students, and the rest seemed to have put themselves in a trance staring aimlessly at nothing. Nine minutes left…..
We are back! After a five minute bathroom, snack, water, and whatever else they can do, my students are now taking the second part of the English test. Ooops, I meant to say literary arts. I just received a stray student. I do not know who she is or why she was late. The guidance director guided her in and gave her the instructions. She looks totally confused but since I can only read a word they can’t read I have to sit and do nothing. One has to love the rules.
My students are once again working on the second part of their ‘whatever’ test. The student who just came in seems to be working with the nervous student getting up for the third time to blow his nose. On his second voyage he asked me something I did not know. Asking what he said for the third time I told him comparatively well. By the way, he asked me how things were hanging.
Looking toward the back of the room I noticed the student who I wouldn’t let use his i-pod once again playing with his calculator. When I approached the student he assured me he finished the test. I then noticed the student next to him doodling something that had to do with creative drawing. At least that is what I am told to call it. Both students have now combined their desks in the second stage of their hangman game.
One of my students came up to me and said they had completed the wrong section of the test during the first session. He did put his answer to the wrong question in the right part of the answer key that is now the wrong part because he used the wrong question. We both stared at each other blankly. This particular student is one of my better advanced placement kids who can figure out most quantitative work. I am also pretty good with quantum mechanics and the string theory but I have no idea what he just tried to explain to me. I then told him to give me his work at the end of the day and I will give it to guidance who is supposed to guide us through this process.
I now have two students with their head on their desk. The nervous student is now attempting to swallow an empty water bottle. This is the same student who asked me how it was hanging. He is now fixing his hair for the one-hundredth time and he is digging into his school bag and is starting to do some homework. I wonder if this is allowed during the test.
There are now 38 minutes left in the session. Three people are still working on their test. Since many of my chemistry students are with me I am tempted to go over some equations with them. I am tempted to actually do my job by teaching them something that might motivate them to learn more. I dare not because one never knows when the NECAP police will visit. I wonder if there is a NECAP jail they put teachers who would rather teach than proctor. I wonder what the sentence would be. Maybe I would be forced to proctor tests for the rest of my careers. Even worse I may be condemned to take the tests for an eternity.
44 minutes left.
The nervous student is now dancing in his chair.
One of my chemistry students has just made a paper airplane. Not the normal one because his is aerodynamically perfect. I stared at him making it clear he will not launch his engineering product in class. He agrees and I am saddened. I would love to see how well it would fly.
The dancing student is now breathing through his shirt. I wonder if he smells something I don’t smell. There have been no complaints with the class. Maybe his mother washed the shirt in some sort of detergent that smelled like a rose. Maybe his mother never washes his shirts. Another mystery I will never know.
I broke down. I just gave one of my AP students a problem and asked him to solve it before the end of the class. I offered to give him five points on his next test. I now look around the room and see 10 other students attempt to solve the problem. I assume they would rather do anything other than do nothing. Actually the only perfection is nothing. I guess my students and I would rather be imperfect.
21 minutes left.
Everyone is now asking questions about the problem. All of the students in the room are once again interested…motivated…and not bored. I sincerely believe if I gave all of these students an assignment instead of having them do nothing they would all gladly accept it. My proctor aid in the back of the room just noticed the nervous student writing notes. How could I have not seen it? How could I possibly allow this? She now gives me a contemptuous look. I smile.
9 minutes left.
Since everyone has now completed the test I decided to collect all the question pamphlets and answer sheets. I also collect the pencils, most that now have teeth marks in them. This takes up a bit more time.
3 minutes left.
I give up by allowing the students to talk between themselves, walk around the room, and I observe some still working on the equations I earlier gave them. I would like to credit my students for working toward the five extra points. But, some of these students don’t take my class.
1 minute left. All of us in the room are now looking toward the clock waiting for the bell to ring releasing us from the prison of burocratic absurdity. The time passes and no bell rings. I call the office asking why. The person in charge of everything in the office stated she was supposed to ring the bell in another minute. But, then she asked if I wanted it rung now. In unison all 13 of my students, my proctor helper and I told her yes.
Just think. Tomorrow is day two of a three day process.